Relationships are not always pretty. Sometimes they start out great, only to turn sour in time. How do you you know when the relationship has turned toxic?
Here are 10 Signs you are in a toxic relationship.
1. Constant criticism
If your partner constantly criticizes you, makes you feel inadequate, and belittles you, it is a sign of a toxic relationship. There is a difference between constructive criticism and belittling criticism. When you find yourself in this situation, express your feelings and ask your partner to work on a more gentle approach.
2. Lack of trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If your partner constantly questions your actions, checks your phone or social media, or accuses you of cheating without any evidence, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. If you find you lack trust in your partner, it may be time to try therapy to learn where the breakdown of trust is coming from.
3. Control and manipulation
If your partner tries to control your every move, makes decisions for you, or uses manipulation tactics to get what they want, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. In couples therapy, you can learn ask for your needs with out manipulating the other person.
4. Isolation
If your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family, or makes you feel guilty for spending time with them, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. This toxic behavior sets a person up to become a victim of abuse. It’s important that each partner have friendships outside the relationship for support.
5. Explosive fights
If your fights with your partner are explosive, with yelling, name-calling, and/or physical aggression, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. In couples therapy, you can learn to express your feelings without becoming aggressive. There is space for both partners in the relationship, and therapy can help you find that balance.
6. Blame game
If your partner always blames you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship or refuses to take responsibility for their own actions, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. In couples therapy, the therapist can point out each part of the relationship. It’s very rarely one person’s “fault,” in fact, couples tend to have a cycle where they are each reacting to each other. The blame game is a defense mechanism to take the heat off themselves. In therapy, you can learn to take accountability for your actions and attune to your partner’s needs without getting defensive.
7. Lack of support
If your partner does not support your dreams and goals, or belittles your accomplishments, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. It’s important to feel supported in your relationship. You can have different goals and still support each other. You can learn to have space for both partners’ goals.
8. Gaslighting
If your partner denies things they’ve said or done, or makes you doubt your own memory or sanity, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. Gaslighting is an abusive tactic, and individual therapy should be sought out.
9. Emotional blackmail
If your partner threatens to leave you or harm themselves if you don’t do what they want, it is a sign of a toxic relationship. This is considered emotional abuse. Individual therapy for both partners is important. The blackmailer can learn to ask for their needs without blackmailing and the other partner can get emotional support they need to navigate the relationship.
10. Lack of communication
If your partner refuses to communicate or shuts down any attempts at discussion or resolution, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. Shutting down is a sign of someone with avoidant attachment. Many times when they have reached the point of shutting down, they have become overloaded. In couples therapy, they can learn to slow down, stay present, and communicate a resolution without shutting down.
If you find yourself in a relationship with anyone of these signs, I would seek out couples therapy if you want to stay in the relationship. In couples therapy, you can learn how to communicate effectively and understand your partner on a deeper level. If the relationship has turned from toxic to abusive, then seek individual therapy. Many times abusive relationships are not a good fit for couples therapy.
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