In the last blog, I discussed how passivity undermines your relationship. So, what’s the antidote to this passivity poison? Communication! Many passive people become passive for fear of upsetting their partner or fear of rejection. While this is not an exhaustive list, the motive behind passivity is to keep the status quo. Unfortunately, over time this keeping of the status quo turns into resentment towards your partner, a form of self-sabotage. So how do you combat passivity? Here are some tips to help you become more proactive in your relationship:
1. Check-In with Yourself:
Take some time to reflect on your feelings and needs. Understanding your emotions is the first step to communicating them to your partner effectively. Take the time to listen to your needs. Listen to your inner voice and body, they tell you what your needs are.
2. Speak them into existence.
Your partner does not know your needs like you do. In relationships, especially if we’ve been with them for a while, we tend to assume our partner knows what we need. This is where communication errors lie. We do a lot of assuming in relationships. Your partner needs you to tell them what you need.
By expressing your needs clearly, you are allowing your partner the space to see you and meet your needs. If you just go along with your partner’s wants all the time, you aren’t taking into account your needs.
3. Seek Compromise
Many times people don’t express their needs for fear of rejection. Some needs are firm and some have some wiggle room. Express whether this is a firm need or not. Allow your partner to engage in dialogue about your needs. Use active listening skills and a lens of curiosity.
For example, your partner has a group of friends who you don’t care for because every time they hang out, they want to hang out until early in the morning hours, and things get rowdy. You express to your partner that you don’t want to hang out with them because you feel like an outsider with them. Your partner says they want you to come out with them because all their significant other comes to, and he doesn’t want to be the only one without a partner there. Using your active listening skills, you hear him say it’s important to be with him so he isn’t a 3rd wheel. You then will express to him how being out until 3 am is not fun for you. Together you come up with an appropriate amount of time to be out or agree that you can leave early, and he can Uber home.
Look for the gray area in these situations. Very few things are black and white. Each partner is giving up a little of something without being overly dissatisfied and still feeling connected with each other.
4. Seek Professional Help If Needed
If you find it challenging to break the pattern of passivity, don’t hesitate to seek support from a couples therapist. They can provide guidance and tools to strengthen your communication. A couples therapist can dig deeper into your pattern of communication in your communication and create a deeper connection with your partner.
By embracing proactivity and communication, you’ll create a relationship that’s built on mutual understanding, respect, and love. Remember, no relationship is perfect, but the more open you are with each other, the stronger your bond will grow. So become in tune with your needs and speak them into existence. Here’s to healthy communication! Stay proactive and keep those hearts happy! 💕
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