September is Suicide Prevention Month and it’s the perfect time to become educated on suicide. *Trigger warning this blog discusses suicide.
First, let’s debunk some myths.
- Asking someone about suicide does not plant the idea in their head to go and kill themselves. Just like when you talk to someone about speeding down the highway doesn’t mean they are going to go speed down the highway too. Talking about something doesn’t mean it’s going to be put into action.
- It’s common for people to have suicidal thoughts. Some are fleeting, like thinking about crashing your car. Some are just passive, like thoughts of not wanting to live anymore with no intention of doing anything about it. Some are active thoughts like they have thoughts, they have a plan, and they have the means to complete suicide.
- Not everyone who experiences suicidality needs to be hospitalized***. Remember just because you have thoughts of suicide doesn’t mean you are going to do it. Ask more questions (see below). If you, the professional you sought help from, and the person with the suicidal thoughts think they can keep safe outside the hospital then create a safety plan. However, hospitalization is warranted when safety cannot be obtained, if a person’s mental health is unstable, or if the person feels they need to be hospitalized. ***Always talk to a mental health professional when making this decision.
Let’s talk about how to talk about suicide.
- Be direct.a. Say “are you thinking about killing yourself?” or “are you having thoughts about suicide?” Don’t beat around the bush by saying “hurt yourself” because hurting yourself and wanting to kill yourself are two different things. We want to be clear: their life is on the line.
- If they say yes, don’t freak out.a. Panicking is only going to make the person feel worse or regret telling you. Follow up with “Have you thought about how you might do this?” If they explain how to ask if they have the means to do it. For example, if they say they are going to take a bunch of pills and they have a medicine cabinet full of pills they have the means to carry out the act. If they have a plan and means this is where you seek help. Call the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255) or a mental health professional. If you get to this point and you have no idea what to do that’s okay.
- Offer to make a safety plan with them. (see below for links to safety plans)a. Part of that safety plan should include removing the objects of how they are going to kill themselves. So using the example above, you would take away the pills. Preferably out of the house. Could they go and buy more, yes, however it requires more time and planning which allows for more thinking and they could change their mind. b. Do not leave this person by themselves. This stops them from running to the drug store to get more pills or if they come up with other ideas you can take away those means. Also, this person is probably feeling incredibly lonely so just sit and listen to them. Let them talk about whatever they want to. Engage in conversation. It also doesn’t have to be you. Call in a parent, another friend, or anyone they trust to be with them. You don’t have to do this by yourself, and neither do they.c. Seek help. If they aren’t seeing a therapist help them find one who can help them. If they are needing adjustment on medication call their psychiatrist. You do not have to save their life all by yourself. You can call the suicide hotline.
- Stay in contact with thema. If they have to go to the hospital know that statistically, suicide rates increase dramatically after being discharged from the hospital. Make sure they are following up with their aftercare appointments. Check-in with them. Invite them to things. Ask their support system to check in with them so you don’t have to carry the load by yourself (this helps you and the person with suicidal thoughts) Don’t do it alone. I’m not sure if I can express this enough.b. Know that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable when interacting with them. This isn’t a comfortable situation and it isn’t about you. So trade being uncomfortable for saving their life. It’s okay to say “I don’t really know what to say but I am here.” Sometimes they don’t need fixing, they just need someone to hear them. To see their pain. Listening is magical.
- Care for yourselfa. Knowing someone who is having suicidal thoughts is scary so you also have to take care of yourself. Talk to a therapist. Bring in your support system. Suicide should be taken seriously.
Suicide is 100% preventable.
*This article is not an exhaustive list of myths and steps to take when helping someone with suicidal thoughts. Please call the suicide hotline for help.
Safety plan links:
Leave a Reply