When Coping Skills Become Destructive

When life gets stressful, we have our go-to behaviors to take some of the pressure off. For some, this looks like reading a mystery novel, watching reality tv, or having dinner with a friend. While these can be great coping strategies, they also can become destructive. Like most things in life, there needs to be a balance What does it look like when coping skills become destructive? 

Be intentional 

Being intentional when using your coping skills is essential to their effectiveness. For example, when attending work happy hours, be intentional not to talk about work stress. If you spend the whole time complaining about work, you will leave the happier hour like you leave work – stressed. If you are intentional about not talking about work and keep the topics light, you will build a better relationship with your coworkers and leave feeling less stressed. If you leave the work happy hour, leaving you more stressed than when it started, it’s not an effective coping strategy. Get curious as to why you don’t feel better. 

Don’t Avoid

Coping skills can provide an excellent distraction but can become destructive when you are avoiding what is causing you stress. If you are stressed about your long to-do list and need to clean your house but need time to unwind from work, you might sit down to watch a tv show. If you spend all night watching tv and avoiding cleaning, your coping skill has now become destructive. 

Some avoidance allows up space to let off steam, but too much of the coping skill is avoiding, and the problem is never addressed. Here is a list of common coping skills that can turn out to be destructive.

• Watching tv
• Shopping
• Exercise 
• Alone time
• Social media
• Time with friends
• Drinking coffee
• Eating 
• sleep 

Having The Right Mindset 

If you are entering any situation where you are unsure of how things are going to go, be mindful of how you are thinking about it. For example, if you are going to join a new social group to meet new friends, your mindset is very important. Go into it thinking this isn’t going to work. It’s not going to be as effective. You likely aren’t going to enjoy yourself or feel very social. If you can’t get yourself in a positive mindset (This is going to work or this is exciting), shift to a curious one (I wonder what I will get out of this, or I’m curious about how this will go). How you approach a situation heavily influences how you will show up in that situation. 

Coping skills are an important aspect of managing stress, but they can easily become destructive if not approached with intention, moderation, and the right mindset. It’s crucial to be intentional about how we use our coping strategies, ensuring they genuinely alleviate stress rather than adding to it. Avoidance should also be monitored, as excessive use of coping mechanisms can prevent us from addressing the root causes of our stress. Finally, the right mindset can significantly affect how effective our coping skills are. We increase our chances of finding true relief and growth by approaching situations with positivity or curiosity. So, how do your coping skills serve you? Have you experienced any instances where they turned destructive? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!