Many times we talk about boundaries in regard to how others treat us. In this week’s blog, I will be discussing boundaries with yourself. Boundaries are how we signal to others how we wish to be treated, proclaim our self-worth, and safeguard our well-being. But let’s not forget the often-overlooked aspect – boundaries with ourselves. These internal lines are how we communicate our self-love and respect, extending into every facet of our lives. They’re like our personal self-love notes that show up in everything we do.
1. Sticking to your budget
Sticking to your budget helps with the safety of your basic necessities like food and shelter. Going on your budget is a threat to that safety. A personal boundary violation with money might look like
- Spending money on a friend when money is tight.
- Going shopping when you feel sad even though you don’t have the money.
- Paying for luxury things instead of paying off bills.
- Buying a big-ticket item you know will cause financial problems for months.
When you violate your budget boundary, you tell yourself your financial safety isn’t important. You might feel good in the short term when you spend beyond your means, but in the long term, you are hurting yourself. Spending money on friends might feel really good and how you express your love, but what about showing love to yourself by being able to pay your rent next month? There are other ways to show your friends you love them without sacrificing your own financial security.
2. Limiting social media
Let’s face it – social media isn’t all rainbows and sunshine for our mental well-being. It’s like this virtual world where comparison, FOMO (fear of missing out), and self-doubt can creep in without us even realizing it. There have been lots of research, including the documentary I highly recommend, The Social Delima, that tells us social media is terrible for our mental health. Suppose you notice that you begin to feel bad about yourself after doom scrolling. In that case, it’s a sign that you need more boundaries with social media. Pay attention to how you feel, the time you spend, and if you are avoiding other responsibilities.
So, friends, remember that you hold the remote control as you keep journeying through the social media landscape. You can adjust the volume, skip the channels, and even switch it off when needed. Pay attention to those feelings, watch your time, and ensure that your social media journey enhances your life rather than tugging it down. Your mental well-being deserves those boundaries, and you’ve got what it takes to set them in stone.
3. Not bringing work home.
Not bringing home work either physically or emotionally is an important personal boundary for the benefit of your mental health and relationships. Finding ways to transition from work you to home you is vital for your relationships. For me, the drive home is a time I talk with a friend or listen to music to detach from my therapist self and ground myself in my home self. Others might need to head to the gym to decompress from the day before they head home. Find a way to let the stress of work go so you can be present with yourself and your relationships at home.
Physically leaving work at work is a hard boundary to uphold for many people. Corporate America excepts a lot out of you. Sure, there might be times when you have to work late to meet a deadline, but if it becomes every day and you never have time for relationships or yourself, it’s time to look at your work boundaries. Boundaries with work aren’t always clear-cut, so pay attention to what your body is telling you. It will let you know when it’s time to reign things in on your work-life balance.
4. Avoid alcohol to destress
While it might feel good to take the edge off with a glass of wine, what you are really doing is numbing. Alcohol is a known depressant and can cause mental health symptoms to worsen. Initially, when drinking, your stress reduces, but what happens on the inside is your brain functioning slows down, and your REM sleep becomes disrupted (Read Why We Sleep by Mathew Walker to learn more about why sleep is essential). When this happens, you are most susceptible to worsening mental health. Alcohol provides instant gratification and nothing more. Putting boundaries around your drinking honors your emotions and overall mental health.
In the journey toward better mental health, embracing boundaries is a transformative step. Just as we show others how to treat us, we teach ourselves how to respect our own needs and values. Staying within the bounds of a budget is an act of self-love, acknowledging that our financial security is as deserving of our care as anyone else. Limiting our exposure to the digital world’s noise and pressures is a declaration of our commitment to preserving our mental well-being. The clear distinction between work and personal life becomes a sanctuary for our relationships and our own mental rest. Avoiding alcohol as a crutch reveals a deep-seated reverence for our emotions and mental clarity. All these facets of boundary setting accumulate into a symphony of self-care, echoing through the chambers of our lives.
So, friends, as we draw this exploration to a close, I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries. Have you given yourself permission to set the limits that nurture your mental health? Are there areas where you’ve let the lines blur, sacrificing your well-being for momentary gratification? Boundaries are not limitations but rather expressions of self-empowerment. They allow us to love ourselves, honor our needs, and find harmony in our interactions. Now, I pass the baton to you – share your thoughts and experiences. What lessons have you learned in the art of setting and maintaining these vital boundaries? Your insights could be the guideposts that lead someone else to their own path of empowerment and well-being.
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