7 Things To Know Before You Start Therapy

Therapy can be intimidating if you’ve never been before or maybe you’ve been before but it’s because you were forced to go as a child and it wasn’t a good experience ( being forced to do something never ends well). Now you are ready to go on your own. You are ready for a change because you can’t keep going on like you are but you have no idea what to expect. That’s okay I got you. Here are 7 things to know before you start therapy.

1. Therapists are not one size fits all. 

Reaching out is hard enough and then you are met with these barriers. Some therapists aren’t taking on new clients, some don’t call back, some don’t have the right availability, some don’t take your insurance and some just don’t match your vibe. To this, I say keep going. Don’t give up. There is a therapist out there for you. 

If you feel like you’ve been struggling to find a therapist ask your friends or ask the therapist who calls you back for referrals. Consider traveling a little farther for therapy or online therapy (Avoid data mining tech companies like Better Help and Talkspace). Consider doing therapy with an intern (they need a required amount of hours and they are most likely open for new clients). Know that when you get an intern you are getting two therapists for the price of one because they will be talking about you to their supervisor who will be guiding them. 

There is a therapist out there for everyone and sometimes it just takes time to find the right one.

2. Ask questions before you agree to see them.

Therapists generally do free consultation phone calls to be sure that you are a good fit for each other. Here are some questions to ask them:

•  What kind of therapy do they do? Ask them to describe it to you. 
• Ask about their availability. Does it work with your schedule? Do you need a more flexible schedule or can you do the same time every week? 
• Ask about the cost. If they are private pay ask about super billing (more here on super billing). 
• Ask if they have a cancelation policy. I have a 24-hour cancellation policy, other therapists have 48 hours or even a 7-day cancellation policy. 
• Ask if they have a therapist. Therapists should be seeing a therapist solely based on being a therapist but also to be doing their own work. You need a therapist who practices what they preach. I consider it a red flag if they aren’t in therapy.

3. You can take notes during the session

I have many clients who take notes during sessions. They like to write down revelations they have, words to practice using on themselves or others, book recommendations I give, or just a space to doodle to help with self-regulation. 

4. It’s not always going to make you feel better right away

Sometimes things get worse before they get better. If you have shoved down all these feelings for a long time it’s going to be uncomfortable to bring them all up. If you feel like you are losing control, tell the therapist and they will give you coping skills to regulate your emotions.

5. It’s normal to cry during your first session

A lot of times people come into session holding on to hurt they’ve kept to themselves for a long time. Telling someone about that hurt is bittersweet. It feels good to let go of some of it and sad because you are allowing yourself to feel it. So you might cry and that’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for it either. Your tears are welcomed here. 

6. The rule of 6

Try out the new therapist for a least 6 sessions. It takes a while to get comfortable with someone just met. I urge you to sit through the uncomfortableness and give yourself time to build trust. Now if the therapist has done something that makes you feel unsafe then don’t go back. There is a difference between feeling uncomfortable and feeling unsafe. Listen to your gut on this one. If it doesn’t work out don’t give up on therapy (i.e. yourself). Look for a new therapist, there is someone for you.

7. You can talk about anything

• You can talk about anything in the session. Anything – sex, periods, poop, cheating, secrets, suicidal or homicidal thoughts. No detail is unimportant to therapists, we want to know everything. Yes, we will ask about your childhood because your developmental years so A LOT about how you function as an adult.  
• Therapists have privileged communication. This means if you have murdered someone in the past and you tell us we can’t testify against you. However, if you plan to murder someone and tell us we are mandated reports, we have to tell the police and that person you want to hurt (this is called Duty to Warn).  We also have to report child or elderly abuse (Duty to Protect). 
• If a topic is too much you just need to tell your therapist you don’t want to talk about it. 
• You can tell your therapist you don’t like what they said to you. Therapists are people too. Sometimes we miss the mark and you are allowed to point it out. It will help you build the skill of advocating for yourself and build a stronger relationship.

I hope this alleviates some of the worries you might be having about therapy. If you have any other questions about what it’s like to be in therapy make sure to comment below!