How you speak to yourself matters. We might not give too much thought to the negative self talk but there is a deeper meaning. We might say things like ‘I’m too fat,’ ‘no one likes me,’ or ‘I’m not doing this good enough,’ and think that’s all it means but there is more to that story. What are you really saying to yourself? I am willing to bet this isn’t the first time you’ve made this remark about yourself, which tells you there is healing to be done. Here are three examples of negative self talk and what it really means.
1. I’m too fat
On the surface, you are saying you don’t like the way your body looks but underneath you are saying your body isn’t worthy. Worthy of what is defined by your story. For some people, it’s worthy of love, worthy of attention, or worthy of living. Ask yourself where did I learn not to love the body I am in? It’s not always in your face like your mother telling you you won’t get married if you are too fat. Sometimes it’s more subliminal. For example, if you were around in the ’90s all of the celebrities were ultra thin and that was the standard of beauty. Not super in your face but the messages about what bodies are more loved were plastered in every magazine, commercial, and movie.
Now get curious, if your body was the way you think it should be how do you envision your life being different? Will you have a romantic partner? You are attaching the way your body looks to your ability to be loved. Will you have more money? You are attaching your body image to your self-worth. What do you feel you are lacking by living in the body you see in the mirror?
2. I should be healing faster
I hear this all the time in therapy. ‘I should be farther along with my healing than I am right now.’ This is pretty harsh considering you’ve lived a long time with the scares you have. Stop telling yourself to just get over it, it’s invalidating. The wounds don’t appear overnight and they won’t go away overnight. The underlining meaning of this could be that you think you are inherently broken, unable to be fixed. Give yourself some grace and know that the healing process is messy and nonlinear. You are not broken, you are in pain. Trying to hurry along the process isn’t helpful and only adds salt to the wound because you are beating yourself up about where you are at in the process. Trust the process.
3. No one likes me or I feel like a burden
This common negative self talk is usually an indication that you need to work on loving yourself. If you think you are too much for others it’s probably because you are feeling undeserving of love. Ask yourself, would I say these things to my best friend? No, so what makes you so deserving of this negative self talk? I bet your best friend has made mistakes and you love them still. So why don’t you deserve that same compassion?
Negative self talk is a hard battle to combat. How you speak to yourself matters. It matters in your healing process and shows up in every area of your life. Part of the healing process is being aware of you you speak to yourself.
I’d love to hear from you! Be sure to leave any comments or questions below!
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