4 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Friends

1. You engage in reckless/childish behavior when you are with them

It’s natural for us to want to have fun and let loose with our friends, but if you find that you are consistently engaging in reckless or childish behavior when you are with them, it may be time to reevaluate the friendship. It is important to surround ourselves with people who support our goals and values, and who encourage us to make responsible decisions.

For example, if you are wanting to stay sober and all of your friends like go party every weekend, it can become difficult to hang out with them and stick to your sobriety. You will likely feel pressured to drink and maybe even give in. They know about your journey with sobriety but continue to invite you to events that revolve around drinking. It’s time to move on. Your values are different than theirs. This doesn’t mean you are better than them or they are better than you. It just means your values don’t align anymore. When values don’t align in friendships, they become very difficult to maintain.

2. You don’t have much in common

Friendship is often built on shared interests and experiences. If you find that you and your friends no longer have much in common, it may be a sign that you have grown apart. While it’s okay to have friends with different interests, it is important to have a foundation of shared values and experiences to build a strong and lasting friendship.

 

For example, growing up you did a lot of gymnastics, and you have a friend you met at the gym. You’ve stopped doing gymnastics for five years but still hang out with your gym friend. While hanging out with them, you find you only talk about gymnastics and seem to have nothing else in common. After hanging out with them, you feel you are not connected to them anymore. That friendship had its season and is no longer serving you. It’s time to invest less in this relationship or move on completely.

3. You only talk about what it was like in the past.

Nostalgia can be a powerful force, but if you find that you and your friends only talk about what it was like for you in a shared past experience, it may be time to move on. It’s important to have friends who are invested in your present and future, and who encourage you to grow and evolve as a person.

 

For example, every time you hang out with your friend from high school, you only talk about things that happened to you in high school or gossip about people you went to high school with. The conversations are rooted around things in the past. While it’s fun to talk about high school memories, you’ve done other things with your life since then. When you are with them, you find yourself having the same conversation over and over and you are left feeling unfulfilled. Friendship should be fulfilling, and if they aren’t, it’s time to invest your energy elsewhere.

4. Friendship is one-sided

Friendships are a two-way street, and if you find that your friendship is one-sided, it may be time to outgrow it. If you are consistently giving more than you are receiving in the friendship, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. It is important to have friends who are supportive and invested in your well-being, and who are willing to give as much as they receive.

For example, you have a friend that calls you to vent about her fights with her boyfriend. While you like being there for her but when it comes to your turn to vent, she says she’s not in the head space to listen or turns the conversation about her. You spend a lot of energy being there for her, but she doesn’t return the favor. This relationship is one-sided, and you deserve a relationship with someone willing to match your efforts.

 

So you have friendships that are no longer serving you. Now, what do I do?

• Have “The Talk” – Break up with your friend who is no longer serving you, just as you would a romantic partner. Talk about how your circumstances have changed, and you are growing in a different direction than they are. Discuss how your values or interests no longer align.  
• Take A break – Maybe you need space from that person to evaluate your life with or without them. Tell them you are taking a break from the relationship to think about your values.
• Spend Less Time With Them – Maybe you enjoy spending some time with them but not at the pace that you currently are. It’s okay not to hang out with your friend every week. Maybe it’s a once-a-month kind of friendship or every 3-month kind of friendship. The relationship can shape to fit your needs best. Find the balance.

 

In conclusion, outgrowing friendships is a natural part of the growth process. It can be difficult to let go of relationships that were once important to us, but it is important to recognize when a friendship is no longer serving us. If you find that you are engaging in reckless behavior, don’t have much in common, only talk about the past, or have a one-sided friendship, it may be time to move on. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with people who support your goals and values.