Improving your self esteem can feel impossible. It’s a process that takes time and will feel clunky. There is a saying that says ‘get comfortable with being uncomfortable,’ and it fits well when working on improving your self esteem. You are going to feel uncomfortable and it’s okay. Remember in the uncomfortable is where you grow. Here are some actions steps you can take today to work on improving your self-esteem.
Begin by listing your positive qualities.
Take a moment to think about what you’re good at, and then write it down. If you’re having trouble with this step, think about what your positive qualities are. These can be character traits or skills, such as being funny or playing an instrument. Then consider what you are most proud of accomplishing in your life so far. Be sure to include small accomplishments as well as major ones.
When you’re in a tough situation, remember that self-assurance can help you get through it.
When you’re in a tough situation, remembering a mantra or quote, such as “I am strong,” or “I can do hard things” can help you get through it. Also, remember that everyone else is probably feeling just as nervous as you are. Rather than worrying about what they might be thinking of you, focus on yourself and how good it feels to achieve your goals.
Don’t worry if things don’t go perfectly at first. You may make some mistakes along the way, but every step forward will build your confidence. Even if things go wrong and you forget your lines on stage or mess up an important presentation at work, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and then try to learn from the experience so that next time will be easier. Part of improving your self esteem is accepting that you are human.
If you’ve made a mistake, don’t berate yourself for it. Look at it as an opportunity to learn.
As you go through life, you’ll likely make mistakes. In fact, it’s pretty much guaranteed. It’s important to remember that making mistakes is okay—not only do we all do it, but we can learn from our mistakes and become better people as a result! Whenever you make a mistake, try not to beat yourself up over it. Instead of thinking about what went wrong and/or why you messed up so badly, think about solutions to the problem at hand and ways in which the situation could have been avoided.
If someone offers advice on how to improve your skills after a mistake has been made (for instance, a teacher or mentor), don’t simply ignore what they say or try to hide from them the next time you see them. Acknowledge the feedback for what it is: an opportunity for personal growth! Rather than take criticism personally, look at it as a chance to learn and improve. Listen to how that sounds in your head. Improving self esteem is about how you speak to yourself.
You should also give yourself credit for trying something new in the first place—you’re more likely to succeed when you’ve had some practice under your belt anyway!
Recognize that everyone makes mistakes sometimes and the important thing is to keep going.
Many people think that everyone else is doing better than them and seem to have everything in perfect order. But the truth is that everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, and everyone has their own set of problems. If you’re feeling like a failure because you messed something up, remember that it’s okay! It doesn’t mean you’re bad or a loser, it just means you messed up this time, and next time you’ll do better. Again you are a human, you’re not meant to be perfect. Sometimes we learn a lot more from our mistakes than from our successes anyway. Even if we don’t immediately see what we can do differently next time (to avoid making the same mistake again), making mistakes is still helping us to improve ourselves and grow as people.
Don’t apologize for who you are or what makes you unique!
Apologizing for who you are or what makes you unique is a quick way to lose your sense of self-worth. If you’re always apologizing for things that make you, well, you, it’s time to stop. Improving self esteem is about highlighting the great things about you not apologizing for them.
Don’t apologize because people don’t like your favorite color, or even if they don’t agree with your politics or beliefs. You should never have to apologize for having strong opinions on something (unless those opinions are inherently hateful).
By all means, apologize when you do something wrong. But don’t do so simply because someone thinks differently than you—because doing so implies that their opinion is somehow more “right” than yours.
Replace Negative Thoughts
- Identify and replace negative thoughts. Your thoughts influence your feelings and your behavior. If you have low self-esteem, you probably have lots of negative thoughts that reinforce your bad feelings about yourself. Some examples of negative thoughts are:
- I am worthless
- No one likes me
- I am a failure
- I will never amount to anything
These statements may feel true, but they are not accurate descriptions of who you are as a person. Reminder – feelings are not facts. Part of improving self-esteem involves identifying these negative beliefs and replacing them with more realistic and positive ones. So instead of saying, “I will never amount to anything” try saying something like “I may not be there yet, and if I work hard and keep trying eventually things will get better for me.”
It’s normal for a person self esteem to fluctuate. It involves checking in with yourself, having a gentle inner dialogue, and being kind to yourself.