1. People pleasing.
You are afraid if you set boundaries people will become upset. Your boss constantly asks you to work overtime and you agree in hopes that you will get a promotion. You do this for weeks and then you start to become burnt out and hate your job. Your hard work is going unnoticed and yet you keep working more. You are afraid that if you say no to working overtime your boss will get mad at you and not give you the promotion. A boundary in this situation would be to ask for additional compensation for overtime or stop working overtime. Tell your boss you are expecting a promotion with all the hard work you have been putting in. Ask yourself why am I working so hard to please my boss when I am getting nothing in return? Which brings me to point #2
2. You don’t put enough value on yourself
If your boss denies you any compensation or promotion it’s clear he doesn’t value you and this is your sign you need a new job. You should never be in a space where you are not valued.
If you choose to stay in this job knowing your boss isn’t going to give you compensation for overtime or a promotion this is on you. You deserve to be valued in every space you are in. With work, it’s easier to see our value because we get compensated for it. If you aren’t being compensated enough and do nothing about it, it’s probably because you don’t see your time as valuable.
3. You don’t think you deserve the boundary
If you are not setting boundaries there is a high chance it’s because you don’t think you are worth setting boundaries. For example, if your sister is asking you to watch her kids all the time while she goes out and you never get a night to yourself. You love her kids and love spending time with them but every weekend you wonder when will it be my turn but you never speak up. So the pattern continues.
So why don’t speak up? It’s likely deep down you don’t think you deserve a night out. I.e. you don’t deserve to have your needs taken care of. By not setting this boundary you will never get the alone time you are needing. Your sister will continue to get the time alone that you want and you will begin to resent your sister. Remember this isn’t your sister’s problem this is your problem. You haven’t established the boundary, therefore you haven’t met your own needs. Your sister is not a mind reader of what your needs are. It’s your job to set the boundary and enforce it (check out my blog on that here).
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