When it comes to your boundaries they are solely your responsibility. We can’t blame the other person for not adhering to your boundaries. You are responsible for voicing them, enforcing them, and taking action.
1. It’s your responsibility to voice the boundary
You have to voice your boundaries to the people around you. Don’t assume that they know your boundaries. They are not a mind reader. Use your voice. Say it clearly and directly. No fumbling with ‘ums.’ Look into their eyes and say what you need. Maybe this requires you to practice in the mirror a few times. It can be scary asserting your boundaries.
2. It’s your responsibility to enforce the boundary
When the boundary is in place you are responsible for making sure the boundary is being taken seriously. For example, if your boundary is you wish to only use fist bumps as a greeting instead of hugs, it is your responsibility to enforce it. If the person goes in for a hug you might give a reminder of your first bump-only boundary by putting up your fist ready to receive the bump. If they go in for the hug anyways or say ‘aw come here and give me a hug.’ It’s your responsibility to say no and back away. Don’t let it happen. Keep being assertive.
3. It’s your responsibility to take action when the boundary is not being met
If the person continually goes in for a hug even after several reminders you get to decide if you will maintain this relationship or allow this to keep happening. If you feel that you are at your wit’s end with this person this is the perfect time for an I feel statement. ‘I feel disrespected every time you go in for a hug and ignore my request for a fist bumps.’ If they love you they likely don’t want to hurt your feelings and probably don’t understand the pain it causes you, which is why it’s important to voice your feelings. You can also express ‘It’s becoming incredibly hard for me to want to continue to hang out with you when you don’t respect my boundaries.’
If you still get no changed behaviors you leave the relationship or give up the boundary. This part is really hard. It takes some exploration on your part as to why you continue to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you. Your boundaries are likely easy to follow so what is it that keeps you in an unhealthy relationship?
Boundaries are hard. They take practice and self-exploration.
What is the hardest part of boundaries for you? Tell me in the comments.
Leave a Reply