My Partner Should Just Know How I Feel

‘My partner should just know how I am feeling,’ or ‘my partner should just know what I want,’ are two phrases I hear a lot. My response is ‘no they shouldn’t they aren’t a mind reader.’ We have this expectation that if we are in a relationship they should be attuned to our wants and needs but that isn’t true. Relationships take work. They take constant communication, growing, and learning about the other person. 

It’s impossible to know what another person is thinking or feeling unless we ask them directly. We might be able to take a good guess if we know the person well but you can’t 100% know. This is where we get tripped up. ‘We can finish each other sentences but he has no idea what I want.’ Well, your wants and needs will change as life goes on. With that change, you must communicate the change. You are setting your partner up to fail if you are assuming they should just know.

How do you I do communicate my needs?

• Be direct. “I need to spend more quality time with you.”
• Define it. “Quality time for me is a night out where we are not looking at our phones.”
• Be Specific “I would like for us to do this once a week.”
• Tell them why “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately and I think this is a way we can nurture our relationship”
• Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. It’s important to help our partners understand what’s going on for us and our expectations for them.