If you are new to therapy and have no idea what to expect, or you’ve been in therapy before but it didn’t work for you, this one is for you. Therapy isn’t just an appointment where you just show up, talk (maybe cry), and leave. It’s not just one or two sessions and you are fixed. It takes time, effort, and patience with yourself. Here are 5 things you need to know to get the most out of your therapy sessions.
1. The right therapist matters
Therapists are not one size fits all. The right fit matters. Not every therapist is going to speak a language that resonates with you. There are many different types of therapies out there (EMDR, Emotion Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Brain Spotting, Drama Therapy, Art Therapy, Psychoanalytic Therapy, Biofeedback, and so much more). Finding the right therapist/modality that you feel speaks to your story matters.
Something else to consider is if you feel comfortable with the therapist. Can you trust them? Do you feel heard by them? If the answer is no, then therapy isn’t going to work with this therapist. You can ask for a referral to someone else or a google search of ‘therapists near me’ will find you many options. There is a therapist out there for you.
2. Apply what you learn in session to the real world
90% of healing happens outside the therapy room. If you discuss family patterns, boundaries, self-care, destructive behaviors, etc. in session but never do anything with it, you aren’t going to change. You have to apply what you learn about yourself in therapy to the real world. It might take some time to work through the kinks and feel will uncomfortable at first, just know this is part of the process. Try it out and report back to your therapist. Wash, rinse, repeat.
3. Trust the process
Therapy takes time. It’s not a one-and-done kind of thing. You are more complex than that. You have a long history of how you got to where you are now and that takes time to process through. You can’t set one boundary and think your life will be perfect because it won’t be. You are denying yourself an opportunity to truly heal and show up in your life how you want to.
4. Everything is important
Even the small details are important. Don’t be vague about things. We, therapists, want to know every detail because it gives us context about who you are and how you feel. Even if you think it doesn’t bother you anymore we want to know. That break up you say you are over, we want to know. That mean thing your mom said to you when you were 8, we want to know. That time you broke your ankle, we want to know. It all matters. It’s all part of the story that makes you, you.
In therapy, with me, I look for patterns in your life. I want to know where they came from. Heal that piece and every piece attached to it. As individuals, we repeat cycles inside ourselves and in our relationships. There may be patterns that you are not aware of and when your therapist knows all the detail they can help bring those patterns to light. When you are aware of your patterns then the healing can begin.
5. Be kind to yourself
Therapy isn’t always going to make you feel better. In fact, a lot of the time you feel like crap before it gets better. With every session, you will learn more about yourself and gain more insight. Some sessions will feel like a ton of bricks will be lifted from your chest and others a tiny stone. The important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself. It’s a process and it takes time. You are learning new things and unlearning old things. Breaking the cycle is hard.
What questions do you have about therapy?
If you’ve been in therapy what’s something you wish you knew or could have told yourself before your started?
Tell me in the comments below.
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