People want a how-to guide on how to achieve happiness like it’s a recipe. Add eggs and fold in the cheese (You just fold it in David – gold star if you can tell me what I am referencing) and boom you are happy. Unfortunately, happiness doesn’t come with a recipe. Like every emotion, it ebbs and flows like waves in the ocean. Sometimes it comes in like a giant wave that radiates from us and other times smaller waves that are not as noticeable but definitely there. One thing is for certain the wave does come down and happiness doesn’t stay forever. You can’t stay in one emotion for your whole life, however, there are steps you can take to create more happiness in your life and create bigger waves.
1. Self-care
The easy things like a bubble bath are great and bring some happiness but it’s more immediate. Self-care also comes in the form of delayed gratification like getting the flu shot. It hurts and your arm is sore for a day but you are less likely to get the flu in the future. Self-care is preventative, not reactive. Self-care is the way you set yourself up for success in the future. Some examples of this include:
- Building healthy relationships
- Boundaries (see #2)
- Exercise
- Taking time to rest
- Noticing when you are feeling stressed and taking time to care for yourself
- Eating healthy foods
- Cleaning your home
- Feeling your feelings
- Keeping up on your doctor’s appointments
- Sticking to your budget
- Saying no
- Not going out when your exhausted
- Declining to drink alcohol to cope with stress
At the moment some of these things are hard or not fun and your future self will be grateful. In these ways, you are delaying happiness for future happiness. Since you are being proactive with your self-care you are creating space for bigger waves of happiness in the future, instead of freaking out about what you put off or feeling worse about the situation.
2. Boundaries
Boundaries are how we preserve our happiness. Imagine you have this invisible fence around your happiness. Others can’t see it unless you tell them it’s there. When they cross the fence it hurts and chips away from your happiness. If you continue to allow them to cross your fence eventually your happiness will be hard to come by. You will feel like you’ve lost control of your happiness and it depends on whether that person decided to cross the line or not.
This is when you show them the fence. You say ‘hey when you jumped the fence you took a piece of my happiness away and that hurt. Please don’t do it again.’ They can say ‘Oh my gosh I am so sorry I won’t do it again,’ or ‘ your crazy I don’t know what you are talking about.’ The second response is a response of a person who doesn’t care about your happiness. They only care about what they want. Someone who cares about you will listen to your hurt and want to add to your happiness, not take from it. You are the sole protector of your happiness. No one knows what makes you happy besides you and it’s your job to speak up for that happiness and not accept anything less.
This isn’t an exhaustive list of how to maintain a happy life. There are other things to consider like life goals, passions/interests, relationships, values, environment, etc. Boundaries and self-care are two fundamental stepping stones to having a happier life. These steps might not always be easy and they are worth it. You are worth it.
What’s something you do for self-care that is part of the delay gratification self-care? Tell me in the comments.
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