I talk a lot about putting your needs first but how exactly do you do it? How do you get over the bone-chilling feeling of selfishness? Maybe your feel rude or mean when putting yourself first. Let me be the first to tell you it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be uncomfortable and you are going to want to run back to putting others first. However, it will get easier over time. You are rewiring how you operate and that takes some time. So have your self-soothing tools ready and go for it.
1. Where to start or When you don’t know what you want.
Pause. Listen. Breathe. You don’t have to respond to requests or situations right away. Give yourself a pause so you have space to think about what you actually want. If what you want doesn’t come right away take a moment to go inside yourself and listen. Breathe, listen, and give yourself space. You can always say ‘I need some time to think about this.’ Slow down your thinking. This change takes some serious practice because your brain processes information so fast and you react so quickly that sometimes the words are coming out without you even noticing. Remember you are rewiring your brain so you need to slow things down. Give your neurons a chance to make new connections.
2. What does listening look like?
Think about the future. If you do this task, will you dread doing it and see no benefit for you besides the avoidance of potential conflict. Then this is usually a sign that you need to say no.
Practice being inside your body. Start with just noticing. Start small say a pinky toe. Yes, I said pinky toe. Have you ever stopped to notice that little guy? Is he not important? If you can focus on small parts of your body and become familiar with them you will notice when big things happen. As a human, we tend to ignore our bodily cues. Ever worked a long shift only to end it and realize you haven’t eaten and now you are starving? You’ve spent the whole shift ignoring your body. This happens in social interactions too. Ignoring your body is like hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock. When someone makes a request and it’s not in line with our needs your body alarms you. You are just really skilled at snoozing that alarm without noticing. Then you are doing that thing someone asked you to do and you are dreading it because now you are noticing the alarm going off and now you are late for work (i.e it’s too late to retreat).
3. Remind yourself that your needs are not selfish.
You are not putting your needs first to putting anyone down or hurting someone. You are doing it to take care of yourself because you deserve to be taken care of. You deserve to be happy, to not be so damn tired all the time. You deserve to do things you actually want to do or need to do to take care of yourself. When you start putting your needs first other people notice the positive changes in you. You will begin to notice your relationships with others are better, your free time is more frequent, you are more energized, and you will be happier.
What questions do you have about putting yourself first? Let me know in the comments.
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