If You Can’t Breathe There, You Shouldn’t Be There

This week I was given this saying: ‘If you can’t breathe there, you shouldn’t be there.’ My first thought was damn if that ain’t the truth. If you are in a situation where you feel like you can’t breathe it’s time to take a step back and figure out what’s going on. There are ways in which we literally are gasping for air or holding our breath, and the metaphorical feeling of having hands around our throats.

Here are areas where applying this saying to your life is super helpful.

1. Work

If you are feeling like you can’t breathe at work, life is throwing you a red flag. Work doesn’t have to be this place where you go to die every day, it can be enjoyable. Many people feel invigorated by work and develop talents and passions that are respected and feel fulfilling. If this doesn’t describe you, it might be time to take a break, vacation, or look for a new job.

Side note: there is never a perfect time to quit your job, change careers, or try something new. But if you can’t breathe, it’s a sign that the time might be now. Remember, you aren’t too old, and it’s not too late. The only person who is in your way of finding a job that you enjoy is you. So if you can’t breathe it’s time to leave – temporarily or permanently and you probably already know which one.

2. Relationships

If you feel like you can’t breathe in your relationship, it’s a sign you need couples or family therapy (preferably along with individual therapy for both of you), or to leave it altogether. When you feel like you are suffocating, it’s time to reevaluate what you get from this relationship.

Side note: couples therapy is not just for romantic partners, you can take your mom/friend/coworker, anyone in your relationships counts. Maybe it’s your mother and you still want her in your life but she is suffocating you. In counseling, you work on setting healthy boundaries and better communication skills. (Reading suggestion Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents)

3. Physical and Mental Health

How about when you literally can’t breathe? Do you get recurring colds, can’t shake the feelings of malaise, or generally can’t feel good? Give yourself permission to be sick, to take time off, to rest, and to take care of yourself. This mindset of, “I can keep going regardless of me going through three boxes of tissues today” is harmful. Let’s be honest when you are sick you aren’t performing at your best. For the people-pleasers and productivity masters ask yourself how productive or helpful are you really if you spread your germs around everywhere? Do you know what will make the sickness go away faster? REST! So go home and go to bed.

Side note: often we hold our breath when we experience discomfort or hyperventilate in times of anxiety. These are the ways we actually can’t breathe and therapy can teach you skills to heal. If you feel like you are suffocating, don’t ignore it, ask yourself ‘what do I need?’ and ‘ what’s causing this feeling?’