Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish

Putting yourself first is not selfish. Saying to someone “Hey I need (insert need here),” and they get upset. That negative emotion they are experiencing is for them to hold, not for you. You are not responsible for how they respond. That is not yours to carry or feel guilty for. 

If establishing boundaries with a classmate upset them, that’s for them to cope with and not yours to feel guilty about. 

If taking a break at work because you are on the verge of a mental breakdown and your boss gets upset. That’s a reflection on how they value you and not a reflection of your human worth. 

If your friend judges you for taking medication for your mental health/physical health. That judgment is a reflection of them, not you. 

If your family talks negatively about you going to therapy, that’s a reflection of their insecurities (and probably a fear that you are talking about them in therapy, which of course you are). Again not your problem to carry. 

When you feel bad for putting yourself first it’s probably because someone put you down for asking for a need. This is a sign that you have some amazing healing work to do in therapy. Therapy is where you get to separate what is yours and what is theirs. You get to figure out how to navigate those relationships in a safe space. You will learn what healthy relationships look like and how to survive the toxic ones. 

Some of you are probably thinking “But Salina I love to help others it makes me feel good.” To that I say yes, helping others does make you feel good AND what is left after you’ve helped others. If the answer is not much then you need to think about the motivation behind helping others. If the motivation is I want others to like me or it’s scary to stand up for myself, therapy is a perfect place for you. You have to put your oxygen mask on first before putting on an oxygen mask on another.